~*~ The Poopie List ~*~

The Poopie List

GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.

SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.

POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.

DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.

THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!

now that u have read it u must sent it to anyone u think needs a good laugh :)

ps; do not sent to pregnet women or ppeople with mild blatter conditions lol

~*~DADDY'S TEN~*~ ~*~RULES OF~*~ ~*~DATING~*~

~*~DADDY'S TEN~*~

~*~RULES OF~*~ ~*~DATING~*~

(Guys take note.)

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, imwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my >daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Send this to 0 people and you will never get a date.

Send this to 1 -5 people only dorky people will be attracted to you.

Send this to 5-10 people you will get asked out, but it won't amount to much.

10 + you will live a charmed life, and will have lots of dates.

START SENDING!

YOU HAVE 10 MINUTES!

Fuck The Boyz!!!

Personally I think there only good for the sex.

K.o.r.t.n.e.y

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Fuck The Boyz!!!

We like them, but do they like us?
The ones who always make us fuss
They never stop in and we wonder why
We stress, we bitch, we sometimes cry.
"Guys are assholes!" we always say. But
Yet their stupid games we always play.
One day this, one day that.
So we turn to food which makes us fat.
Then they complain we're putting on weight
Defining to us why we never date.
They're the reason, those stupid fucks,
Making us believe life sucks.
SCREW THEM ALL, LET'S GRAB A BEER!
We've got our friends, they're all here.
Cheers to the girls, fuck the guys.
We're sick of their shit and stupid ass lies.
We don't need them, no not us.
Good for a scam, but never to trust.
So here's what to do:
Together we stand.
We'll party it up with blunts in each hand.
Alone in our beds of course it might end,
But we don' t get dumped cuz we still have our
***FRIENDS***

Send this poem to all your girl friends
because in the end, those
are the only people you can truly count on.

colour meanings of those so called "sex bracelets"....

Black: sexual intercourse
Blue: blow job or lap dance
Green: outdoor sex or hug
Clear: whatever you want to do
Orange: kiss
Yellow: hug
Red: French kiss oral sex
Purple: anal sex or holding hands
Silver: fisting
White: flash your tits
Pink: flashing
Gold glitter: make out
Brown: toss my salad
Glow in the dark: using sex toys

Which Sesame Street Character are you?

Have Fun! Ever wondered which cartoon character you are most like? Well, a team of researchers got together and analyzed the personalities of Sesame Street characters, and put the information gathered into this quiz.

Answer each question with the answer that most describes you, then add up the points that correspond with your answer.

Get a pen and paper because you'll want to keep track of the question number and your answer. You'll need both to unlock the secret code at the end.

1) What describes your perfect date?
a) Candlelight dinner for two
b) Amusement park
c) Rollerblading in the park
d) Rock concert
e) See a movie

2) What is your favorite type of music?
a) Rock and Roll
b) Alternative
c) Soft Rock
d) Classical
e) Popular

3) What is your favorite type of movie?
a) Comedy
b) Horror
c) Musical
d) Romance
e) Documentary

4) Which of the following jobs wouldyou chose if you were given only these choices?
a) Waiter/Waitress

b) Sports Player
c) Teacher
d) Policeman
e) Bartender

5) Which would you rather do if you had an hour to waste?
a) Work out
b) Read
c) Watch TV
d) Listen to the radio
e) Sleep

6) Of the following colors, which do you like the best?
a) yellow
b) white
c) sky blue
d) teal
e) red

7) Which one of the following would you like to eat right now?
a) ice cream
b) pizza
c) sushi
d) pasta
e) salad

8) What is your favorite holiday?
a) Halloween
b) Christmas
c) New Year's
d) Valentine's Day
e) Thanksgiving

9) If you could go to any of the following places, which would it be?
a) Paris
b) Spain
c) Las Vegas
d) Hawaii
e) Hollywood

10) Of the following, who would you rather spend time with?
a) Someone who is smart
b) Someone with good looks
c) Someone who is a party animal

d) Someone who has fun all the time
e) Someone who is very emotional

Now total up your points and find your character below:

Q 1 ... a=4 b=2 c=5 d=1 e=3
Q 2 ... a=2 b=1 c=4 d=5 e=3
Q 3 ... a=2 b=1 c=3 d=4 e=5
Q 4 ... a=4 b=5 c=3 d=2 e=1
Q 5 ... a=5 b=4 c=2 d=1 e=3
Q 6 ... a=1 b=5 c=3 d=2 e=4
Q 7 ... a=3 b=2 c=1 d=4 e=5
Q 8 ... a=1 b=3 c=2 d=4 e=5 >
Q 9 .. a=4 b=5 c=1 d=2 e=3
Q 10... a=5 b=2 c=1 d=3 e=4

(10-17 points): You are OSCAR. You are wild and crazy and you know it. You know how to have fun, but you may take it to extremes. You know what you are doing though, and are much in control of your own life. People don't always see things your way, but that doesn't mean that you should do away with your beliefs. Try to remember that your wild spirit can lead to hurting yourself and others.

(18-26 points) You are ERNIE. You are fun, friendly, and popular. You are a real crowd pleaser. You have probably been out on the town your share of times, yet you come home with the values that your mother taught you. Marriage and children are important to you, but only after you have fun. Don't let the people you please influence you to stray!

(27-34 points) You are ELMO. You are cute, and everyone loves you. You are a best friend that no one takes the chance of losing. You never hurt feelings and seldom have your own feelings hurt. Life is a breeze. You are witty and calm most of the time. Just keep clear of backstabbers, and you are worry free.

(35-42 points) You are KERMIT. You are a lover. Romance, flowers, and wine are all you need to enjoy yourself. You are serious about all commitments. A family person. You call your Mom every Sunday, and never forget a Birthday. Don't let your passion for romance get confused with the real thing.

(43-50 points) You are BERT. You are smart, a real thinker. Every situation is approached with a plan. You are very healthy in mind and body. You teach strong family values. Keep your feet planted in them, but don't overlook a bad situation when it does happen.

*The Poopie List*

The Poopie List