50 fun things to do at Wal-Mart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling
them and stranding
them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute
intervals throughout the
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all
the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly,
especially in thin
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,
"I think we've
got a code 3 in housewares," and see what
11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them
off and turn the
volume up to full blast.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't
seen you in so long."
etc. See if they play along.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask
yourself loud enough
for all to hear, "Who buys this crap
15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are
taking it for a
17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet
behind them. Do
this until they leave the store.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire
store as your playing
19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look
say, "Wow, magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you
will only invite
them in if they bring pillows from Bed and
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
saying, "I'm Batman.
Come Robin, to the Batcave."
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and
say, "Why won't
you people just leave me alone?"
30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between
them yelling "Red
31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are
any in stock.
32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a
full-scale battle with
G.I. Joe vs. X-men.
33. Take bets on the battle from above.
34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly
ask the clerk where
the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me
to your Twinkies."
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: Marco Polo
43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's.
45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with
46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at
make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to
your knees and
scream, "No, no, its those voices again."
49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go
to the food court,
buy a drink, and explain that you don't
get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
1. Attempt to do all of the above in the same visit,
without getting kicked out.
2. Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much
you can make.
21 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator
1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
"Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World"
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside ask, "Got enough
air in there?"
4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the
wall, without getting
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the
doors open, then
act embarrassed when they open by
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm
handshake and ask them
to call you Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that
it stay open until
you hear the penny you dropped down the
shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and
then announce, "I've
got new socks on!"
10. Meow occasionally.
11. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your
12. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the
13. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce
"You're one of THEM!"
and move to the far corner of the
14. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the
15. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is
that your beeper?"
16. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
17. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red
18. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
19. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and
announce to the other
passengers that this is your "personal
20. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
21. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other
Things to do at
a Fast Food Restaurant
-Ask for a hamburger, Cry dramatically saying "Did they really
have to kill the cow" in a sobbing voice.
-Out side of the building, protest that they don't add enough salt on the drinks.
-Sing a song out loud.
-Try to rob the store in a poor manner(where a mask that does not allow
you to see, ask people that are not at the counter for money, or at least a trashcan).
-Pay for your meal entirely in
-Take your car through the drive-thru in reverse.
-Inquire what's in the Secret sauce.
-Refuse to give
them money until they win at Paper/Rock/Scissors.
-Prevent all people from eating until you say a prayer (try and find
the longest one).
-Threaten to move to Antarctica to strangers who don't treat you nicely.
-Ask for a burger that looks
more like the pictures.
-Go to the play place and tell kids strangers have the best candy sand that parents lie cause they
don't want you to have it.
-Stand by the garbage and prevent people from throwing it out until they pay the fee.
a burger, hold the lettuce, tomatoes, meat, buns, ...
-Ask the waiter "Would you like fries with that" when they hand you
-When at a drive-thru, order your meal in sign language.
-Dress as Ronald McDonald and advice customers
not to eat here.
101 Ways to be annoying
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code,
and have conversations with friends in
public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your
pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder
TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food,
and announce that this is so no one will
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra
17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car
windshield wipers running in all weather conditions
keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with
"that's what YOU
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle
helmet as part
of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment
an independent nation, and sue
your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the
listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything
they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers
and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises
when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer
jargon in conversations, and see if people play
avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate
network of ropes in your backyard,
and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance
27. Wear a special hip holster for your
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences,
producing awkward silences
with the impression that you'll
be saying more any moment.
that a conversation is over by clamping your
hands over your ears.
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink
cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in
a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers
while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are
green, and insist to others that you
"like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI
warnings. 38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending
to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a
Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat
their complimentary mints by the cash
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large
quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute
for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of
someone's roadmaps. 60. Inform everyone
you meet of your
personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson
61. Repeat the following conversation
a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?"
its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas
caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman
smells" until physically restrained.
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip
rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by
tapping on the bottom of your
chin. When nearly done,
announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the
cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent.
If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the
curious that you don't
want to fall off "in case the big
one comes". 79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain
lodged in co-workers brains,
such as "Feliz Navidad", the
Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. 80. While
making presentations, occasionally
bob your head. like a
81. Lie obviously about trivial things
such as the time of
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great
of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a
Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in
your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing
cars to see if they slow down. 85. Chew on pens
that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the
faster speed is necessary because of your "superior
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then
scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter
about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the
TV and claim you can see a "magic
95. Select the same song
on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend
"tricorder," and "scan"
people with it, announcing the results.
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people
to other people's parties.
Stuff to do in a shopping mall
1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting
2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
3. Dial 900 numbers
from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.
4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume
its now unwanted contents.
5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"
6. Ask the sales personnel
at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.
7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes
8. Stomp on unopened tomato ketchup packets at Burger King...
9. ...but save a few to slurp on as
snacks. Tell people that they're "astronaut food."
10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from "Dianetics."
11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War II.
12. Ask a salesman why a particular television set is labeled black
and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, "You mean you really can't
13. Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.
14. Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and
pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.
15. Test mattresses in your pjyamas.
16. Ask the tobaccanist if his hovercraft is full of eels.
17. If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance
camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.
18. Sprint up the down escalator.
19. Stare at static on a display
tv and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture."
20. Ask appliance personnel if they have
any tv's that play only in Spanish.
21. Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.
22. Ask a salesperson in the
hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.
23. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts
on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.
24. Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.
25. Ask for
red-tinted lenses at the optometrist.
26. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray *them* with your own
bottle of Eau de Swane.
27. Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.
28. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.
29. In the changing rooms,
announce in a singsong voice, "I see London, I see France..."
30. Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of
shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.
31. Play the tuba for change.
32. Ask the Hamond organ dealer
if he can play "Like a Virgin."
33. Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle
Bells for admiring onlookers.
34. Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will "give you a really
35. Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have "any giant crap made out of straw."
plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.
37. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as
38. Ask the information desk for a pram(stroller), and someone to push you around in it.
every TV in the electronics department to a station showing "Saved by the Bell." Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and
scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.
40. Hang out in the waterbed section of the furniture department
wearing a Navy uniform. Occasionally run around in circles yelling "scratch one flattop!"
41. Hand a stack of pants back
to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leakproof."
42. "Play" the demo modes of
video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises.
43. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head
up and down.
44. Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they're real.
If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on *your* lap.
46. Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department
stores and say "Domino's."
47. Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.
At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
49. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether
they've seen this man."
50. Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth,
and demand to know why it hasn't turned blue yet.
51. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when
they don't realise it.
52. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares,"
and see what happens.
53. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
54. When someone
asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
55. Look right into the security
camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
56. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the
57. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
58. While handling guns in the hunting department,
suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
59. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors
of the restrooms.
60. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they
bring pillows from the bedding department.
61. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size
62. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
63. When an announcement
comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and mumble, 'It's those voices again'.
64. Go into a fitting room
and yell real loud, "Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"
65. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
indoor shopping cart races.
67. "Test" the tooth brushes. Afterwards, place them back on the shelves in their packaging.
Walk up to complete strangers and say,"Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. and see if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
69-80 by Micheal. Thank you:-)
69. Ride Escalators up and down.
70. Take objects off counters and place them in unsuspecting
71. Place "Kick me " signs on unsuspecting mall cops.
72. Trip old people (mean but fun).
Unleash a box full of ants in stores.
74. Pretend you are answering to someone very loudley, when people tell you to be
quiet yell"Shut up i am talking to the voices".
75. At fast food restaurant areas, show people your scabs, blisters and
76. Well people are about to buy a video game tell them its not so good, the trick is to see how many people you
can convince not to buy a game.
77. Ask Mall cops lots of questions(this works well if you have a frined for stealing distractions:}
78. When someone enters a store, put a sticker on them revieling your the(number)'th customer to enter the store, enjoy
79. Stand by picture booths, when a couple is about to take a picture, immedialey jump in with a good excuse.
80. Free the animals in the pet store, tell the store owner the voices in your head told you to complete this task.
Things you DON'T Want to Hear in Surgery
-Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
-Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.
-"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of
-Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
-Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
me that....uh....that uh....thingie.
-Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
-Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this
-Darn, there go the lights again...
-"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two
-Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
-Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration
-What's this doing here?
-I hate it when they're missing stuff in here..
-That's cool! Now can you make
his leg twitch?!
-I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
-Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.
shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?
-Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
-And now we remove the subject's brain
and place it in the body of the ape.
-OK, now take a picture from this angle.
-This is truly a freak of nature.
-This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
-Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
worry. I think it is sharp enough.
-What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
-She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!!!
-FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!
-Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!